The Life Downtown
by Joel-Gomes
Summary: George decides to make some significant changes in his life. Elaine visits the men's bathroom.


THE LIFE DOWNTOWN  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A Seinfeld fan fiction script   
  
by  
  
Joel G. Gomes  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Cell-phone number: 91 877 25 96  
Address: Rua de Angola, 48 1º dto  
2835-107 Baixa da Banheira  
E-mail(s): joel_gomes2002@yahoo.com  
gomes_joel@hotmail.com  
  
  
  
  
July 2002  
  
  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
  
INT. COMEDY CLUB. NIGHT  
  
JERRY IS ON STAGE.  
  
JERRY  
Unlike most people do, I consider stress to be a wonderful thing. And the reason for this is that I'm not part of it. I look around, I see all those people walking with their suitcases and their papers, y'know? It amazes me that they never stay too much time at the same place. They move at light speed. One minute they're here, the next... gone. Never to be seen again.  
I like to find stressed people on public places cause they're always in such a rush, I don't have to wait long for a spot.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT. DAY  
  
JERRY, GEORGE AND KRAMER ENTER THE APARTMENT.   
  
GEORGE  
Look, Jerry, just because you have a girlfriend, money and a good job and your own apartment, it doesn't' mean that you're in a better position in life than me! (SHORT PAUSE) Okay! Maybe it does. But that's not the point! The point is that you have to deserve what you got and I don't think you do.  
  
JERRY  
Yeah. Like you do.  
  
GEORGE  
No, you do.  
  
KRAMER  
Why are you complaining?  
  
GEORGE  
Huh?  
  
KRAMER  
You're saying you have no girlfriend, no money, no independence... You know why?  
  
GEORGE  
No. Why?  
  
KRAMER  
Because you don't fight!  
  
GEORGE  
I'm not a violent man, Kramer.  
  
KRAMER  
No, I mean fighting for a chance, having a dream and trying to fulfill it! Go out there and exploit the world! (CONT.)  
  
JERRY  
Don't you mean, "explore" the word?  
  
KRAMER (cont'd)  
(NOT LISTENING) See the beauty in it!  
  
JERRY  
What beauty?  
  
GEORGE  
I don't know. I think I'd rather stay here.  
  
KRAMER  
That's what's keeping you away from being happy.  
  
GEORGE  
What?  
  
KRAMER  
Your poor sense of adventure.  
  
JERRY   
More like his great sense of bad luck.  
  
GEORGE IS QUIET FOR A SECOND. JERRY AND KRAMER WATCH HIM SILENTLY.  
  
GEORGE  
Okay. Okay. I think you have a point Kramer. It's time I do something with my life. Otherwise I might just...  
  
JERRY  
You might just... what?  
  
GEORGE  
Become something. I don't know... Jerry, I'm going.  
  
JERRY  
That's great.  
  
GEORGE   
I'll pick up my stuff later, okay?  
  
JERRY  
Sure. No problem. Do you have any idea where you're going?  
  
GEORGE  
No.  
  
JERRY  
Well, that's gonna be quiet an adventure.  
  
KRAMER  
(WALKS TO THE DOOR) I think I'm gonna have some sleep now.  
  
JERRY  
Peasant dreams.  
  
KRAMER EXITS.  
  
GEORGE  
Shouldn't it be "pleasant" dreams?  
  
JERRY  
I don't know. Whatever it fits better, I guess.  
  
GEORGE  
Why is he sleeping in the middle of the day? He's been doing this for the last three days.  
  
JERRY  
Insomnia, I guess. Or maybe it's one of his sleep therapies.  
  
THE BUZZER SOUNDS. JERRY GOES ANSWER IT.  
  
JERRY  
Yeah?  
  
ELAINE (V. O.)  
It's Elaine.  
  
JERRY  
Come on up. (TO GEORGE) Do you have anything on your mind?  
  
GEORGE  
No, my mind is a blank right now.  
  
JERRY  
I'm talking about a place to live, not your regular brain condition.   
  
GEORGE  
I'm not sure.   
  
ELAINE ENTERS.  
  
ELAINE  
Hi.  
  
JERRY  
Hi.  
  
GEORGE  
Hi, Elaine. (TO JERRY) I'm thinking maybe some place quiet with a good location. And a view. It has to have a view.  
  
JERRY  
All apartments have a view.  
  
GEORGE  
As long as that view is not a building.  
  
JERRY  
You're not expecting green flowered hills, are you?  
  
ELAINE  
What're you two talking about?  
  
JERRY  
George is looking for an apartment.  
  
GEORGE  
Why do you have to answer for me all the time? I'm capable of speak, y'know? (TO ELAINE) I'm looking for an apartment.  
  
ELAINE  
I know, Jerry told me.   
  
GEORGE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.  
  
JERRY SMILES MOCKINGLY.  
  
ELAINE  
(TO GEORGE) Hey, y'know what? There's a free apartment on a building three blocks away from me.  
  
GEORGE  
Is that in downtown?  
  
ELAINE  
Yup. It's a one-bedroom apartment.   
  
GEORGE  
A one bed-room apartment? That's great!  
  
ELAINE  
Yeah, the guy that was living on the top floor moved recently. The place is very cheap cause the landlord can't find anyone. Are you interested?  
  
GEORGE  
Is it quiet?  
  
ELAINE  
Absolutely. I mean, it's in downtown, but... yes. It's like an oasis in the middle of the desert.  
  
JERRY  
A mirage is more likely.  
  
GEORGE  
What about the rent?  
  
ELAINE  
It's eight hundred dollars.  
  
GEORGE  
That's not bad.   
  
JERRY  
The lesser the better.  
  
GEORGE  
How do I get in touch with the landlord?  
  
ELAINE   
I'll give you his number.  
  
GEORGE  
Okay. (WALKS AROUND THE HOUSE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING) Jerry, do you have a pen?  
  
JERRY  
Check out the kitchen drawer.  
  
GEORGE  
(WALKS TO THE KITCHEN AND TAKES A PEN FROM THE DRAWER) Why do you keep a pen on your kitchen drawer?  
  
JERRY  
It's as good as any other place.  
  
GEORGE  
(GRABS A PIECE OF PAPER) Alright, what's the number?  
  
ELAINE  
Are you talking to me?  
  
GEORGE  
Yes.  
  
ELAINE   
I can't give you his number right now, George.  
  
GEORGE  
What d'you mean you can't give me his number right now? I went through all this trouble just to find a pen and now you're telling me that you can't give me his number? Now, you listen to me... I want that number... now.  
  
ELAINE  
I can't.  
  
GEORGE  
Why not?  
  
ELAINE  
Cause I don't have it here with me.  
  
GEORGE  
You could've said something.  
  
ELAINE  
How was I supposed to know?  
  
GEORGE  
Fine. (WALKS TO THE DOOR) I'll see you guys later.  
  
JERRY  
Where are you going?  
  
GEORGE  
(TURNS BACK AND SMILES) To see the world, my friend! To see the world! (EXITS)  
  
JERRY  
So...  
  
GEORGE REENTERS THE APARTMENT.  
  
GEORGE  
This is gonna be the turning point in my life!  
  
GEORGE EXITS AGAIN. JERRY AND ELAINE WAIT A FEW SECONDS BUT THIS TIME, GEORGE DOESN'T RETURN.   
  
JERRY WALKS TO THE KITCHEN. ELAINE SITS ON A CHAIR.  
  
JERRY  
So, what's the deal?   
  
ELAINE  
About what?  
  
JERRY  
You know...  
  
ELAINE   
No, what?  
  
JERRY  
About the apartment...  
  
ELAINE  
(SWALLOWS) What about it?  
  
JERRY  
Come one! Do I have to spell it out?  
  
ELAINE  
You could, 'cause I have no idea what're you talking about.  
  
JERRY  
Alright. How much is the landlord paying you?  
  
ELAINE  
Jerry!  
  
JERRY  
Come on, Elaine.  
  
ELAINE  
Thirty per cent...  
  
JERRY  
On eight hundred dollars? That's a great amount of money just to find a tenant.  
  
ELAINE  
I know. He's really desperate cause no one wants to live in an   
attic these days.  
  
JERRY  
I thought you said it was a one-bedroom apartment.  
  
ELAINE  
In downtown? For eight hundred dollars? Are you crazy?  
  
JERRY  
Have you slept with him yet?  
  
ELAINE  
Jerry!  
  
JERRY  
Well?  
  
JERRY STARTS TO WALK TOWARDS THE DOOR. ELAINE FOLLOWS HIM.  
  
ELAINE  
Yes.  
  
ELAINE EXITS.  
  
JERRY  
I guess he's really desperate then.  
  
JERRY CLOSES THE DOOR.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. MONK'S. DAY  
  
JERRY IS HAVING LUNCH. ELAINE SHOWS UP AND JOINS HIM.  
  
ELAINE  
Have you seen George?  
  
JERRY  
No. He's still out there.  
  
ELAINE  
He hasn't returned in two days? Where's he sleeping?  
  
JERRY  
Wherever the world grants him with a shelter, I think.  
  
THE WAITRESS APPROACHES THE TABLE.  
  
WAITRESS  
What will it be?  
  
ELAINE   
Just coffee, please.  
  
THE WAITRESS WRITES DOWN THE ORDER AND LEAVES.  
  
JERRY EYES ELAINE INQUISITIVELY.  
  
ELAINE  
I ate a sandwich on my way here.  
  
JERRY  
Why?  
  
ELAINE  
Because I was hungry then, okay?  
  
JERRY   
And now you're not?  
  
ELAINE  
No! (GETS UP) I'm going to the bathroom.   
  
ELAINE WALKS TOWARDS THE BATHROOM.  
  
THE WAITRESS BRINGS ELAINE'S COFFEE.  
  
WAITRESS  
Where's your friend?  
  
JERRY  
She went to the bathroom.  
  
THE WAITRESS POURS SOME COFFEE ON ELAINE'S CUP AND LEAVES. JERRY CONTINUES EATING.  
  
A MOMENT LATER, ELAINE RETURNS, VISIBLY UPSET WITH SOMETHING.  
  
JERRY  
What happened?  
  
ELAINE  
Nothing.  
  
JERRY  
Come on, you can tell me.  
  
ELAINE  
Can or should?  
  
JERRY  
That's up to you.  
  
ELAINE  
Forget it. This I'm not telling you.  
  
JERRY  
Are you upset?  
  
ELAINE  
Of course I'm upset!  
  
JERRY  
You see? That's one of the reasons you have to tell me.  
  
ELAINE  
Because it upset me? You find that amusing?  
  
JERRY  
Not amusing. More like useful.  
  
ELAINE  
Okay... I'd probably tell you sooner or later. I... er... I went to the men's bathroom.  
  
JERRY  
You went to the men's bathroom?!  
  
ELAINE  
(SHOOS JERRY) Be quiet!  
  
JERRY  
Is there anything about you that I'm not aware of?  
  
ELAINE  
No.  
  
JERRY  
Any prison time experience that you decided to keep in secrecy?  
  
ELAINE  
No!  
  
JERRY  
So why did you do it?  
  
ELAINE  
I had to. There were no other stalls available. Besides, the stench in there was beyond agonizing. And the floor... Uh! If you stayed at the same place for more than ten seconds you'd be stuck.  
  
JERRY  
Then what?  
  
ELAINE   
Well, I came out from there, I walked to the men's bathroom. I opened the door just a snag, y'know? In case something unusual was happening in there.  
  
JERRY  
What d'you mean "something unusual"?  
  
ELAINE  
I don't know. It's a men's bathroom, Jerry. People tell strange things about those places.  
  
JERRY  
People tell strange things about women's bathroom too.  
  
ELAINE  
Anyway... It was empty. So I got in, I did what I had to do and I came out of there in no time. It took less than thirty seconds.  
  
JERRY  
That's not the end of the world. You're upset only because of that?  
  
ELAINE  
Not exactly.  
  
JERRY  
What?  
  
ELAINE  
It's just...  
  
JERRY  
What?!  
  
ELAINE  
Your bathroom is cleaner than ours. Much, much cleaner. Like a gay bathroom.  
  
JERRY  
You mean my bathroom or this bathroom?  
  
ELAINE  
This. But yours is clean too.  
  
JERRY  
Really?  
  
ELAINE  
I'm surprised as much as you. I thought men's bathrooms were like pig houses.  
  
JERRY  
Am I one of those men?  
  
ELAINE  
Possibly.  
  
JERRY  
So I'm either a pig or gay. Hum... I'll take the first one. Not that there's anything wrong with the second one, it just doesn't fit well into my basic sexual preferences.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. BUS. DAY  
  
GEORGE IS SITTING AT THE BACK OF THE BUS. TO HIS RIGHT THERE IS AN EMPTY SEAT AND AN OLD MAN NEXT TO THE WINDOW. TO HIS LEFT, A MAN IN A EXPENSIVE SUIT, A BRIEFCASE AND A BEGGAR SLEEPING. GEORGE WATCHES THE BRIEFCASE.  
  
GEORGE (V. O.)  
I wonder what's in there. Maybe it's money. I could use some money right now. (CONT.)  
  
THE EXECUTIVE LOOKS TO GEORGE. GEORGE GIVES HIM A FAINT SMILE. THE EXECUTIVE LOOKS THE OTHER WAY.  
  
GEORGE (V. O.)   
Maybe it's drugs. I heard that these drug dealers are always very neat.   
  
THE BUS STOPS. THE EXECUTIVE GETS UP AND EXITS THE BUS.  
  
THE BUS STARTS MOVING AGAIN. GEORGE IS STARING AT THE BRIEFCASE.  
  
GEORGE (V. O.)  
He forgot his briefcase! Should I take it? Just to see what's inside, I mean. That's all. What if he left it here on purpose? Like a switch operation. What if I'm caught? I can't go to prison again! Okay. Okay. Calm down. Let's think about this. So he left his briefcase here. Hum... Well, I guess that it wouldn't kill him if I took the briefcase with me, just to see what's inside, and then return it by mail. Its address must be in there somewhere. Unless, he's really a drug dealer. In that case, I don't think he'd put his address there.  
  
GEORGE LOOKS THROUGH THE WINDOW. HE SEES A BUS STOP GETTING CLOSER.  
  
GEORGE (V. O.)  
This is it!  
  
GEORGE GETS UP AND GRABS THE BRIEFCASE CASUALLY. UNFORTUNATELY THE BRIEFCASE HAS A SMALL CHAIN ATTACHED TO THE BEGGAR'S ARM.   
  
THE BEGGAR WAKES UP AND LOOKS TO GEORGE.  
  
BEGGAR  
Hey! Whatsa matter with you?  
  
GEORGE  
Sorry! Terribly sorry!  
  
GEORGE EXITS THE BUS NERVOUSLY.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. MONK'S. DAY  
  
JERRY AND ELAINE ARE STILL DISCUSSING THE BATHROOM ISSUE.  
  
ELAINE  
I mean, I went to your bathroom lots of times but I always thought that you were an exception. You expect public bathrooms to be filthy.  
  
JERRY  
No, I don't.  
  
GEORGE ENTERS THE COFFEE SHOP.  
  
GEORGE  
Hello everyone!  
  
JERRY  
Where have you been?  
  
GEORGE  
Out there, my friend.  
  
JERRY  
This new attitude of yours, is it just because of what Kramer said or is there something else?  
  
GEORGE  
I'm changing my life. Now I have a goal to accomplish.  
  
JERRY  
Having a goal to accomplish has always been your main goal for a long time.  
  
GEORGE  
Yes, but not anymore. Now I have a real goal to accomplish.  
  
ELAINE  
What is it?  
  
GEORGE  
According to what Kramer told me, I've developed a theory. A scientific theory.  
  
JERRY  
All theories are scientific. That's why they're developed by scientists. Because they're scientific.  
  
ELAINE  
What is it?  
  
GEORGE  
I don't know how to explain it in a clear way.  
  
JERRY  
So, how do you know it?  
  
GEORGE  
I don't know. I just do.  
  
ELAINE  
(TO THE WAITRESS) Can I have some more coffee, please? (TO GEORGE) Listen George, I have the landlord's number right here. If you're still interested, I mean.  
  
GEORGE  
Of course I'm still interested.  
  
ELAINE TAKES A PIECE OF PAPER FROM HER PURSE AND GIVES IT TO GEORGE. GEORGE PUTS THE PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS POCKET.  
  
THE WAITRESS BRINGS MORE COFFEE.  
  
ELAINE   
Thanks.  
  
WAITRESS  
(TO GEORGE) Can I bring you anything?   
  
GEORGE  
Yes. Let's see... (LOOKS AT THE MENU) I want a... (CONT.)  
  
JERRY, ELAINE AND THE WAITRESS LOOK TO GEORGE EXPECTANTLY.  
  
GEORGE (cont'd)  
Tuna fish sandwich.  
  
THE WAITRESS WRITES DOWN THE ORDER AND LEAVES.  
  
ELAINE  
For a moment there I was almost ready for a shock.  
  
JERRY  
Me too.  
  
GEORGE  
This is only the beginning. (GETS UP) I'm gonna call him now.  
  
GEORGE WALKS TO THE PUBLIC PHONE.  
  
THE WAITRESS BRINGS HIS TUNA FISH SANDWICH.  
  
AFTER A MOMENT, GEORGE RETURNS.  
  
GEORGE  
All set. I'm gonna see him tomorrow morning.  
  
ELAINE  
That's great.  
  
JERRY  
Do you think that's because of your theory?   
  
GEORGE  
(TAKES A BITE OF HIS SANDWICH) Probably.  
  
JERRY  
I could use this theory of yours.   
  
GEORGE  
Well, you just gonna have to find your own theory, 'cause I'm not telling you what mine is.  
  
JERRY  
That's because you don't know what it is either.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. KRAMER'S APARTMENT. DAY  
  
KRAMER IS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH. HE'S NOT WEARING SHOES. HE SNORES VIOLENTLY.  
  
THE CURTAINS ARE ALL CLOSED AND THE ONLY LIGHT COMES FROM A THIN SUNBEAM THAT PENETRATES THROUGH THE WINDOW, HITTING THE CARPET.  
  
KRAMER MOVES HIS ARM AND THROWS HIS LAMP TO THE FLOOR. THE LAMP BREAKS BUT HE CONTINUES TO SLEEP.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
EXT. DOWNTOWN. DAY  
  
WE SEE ALL THE PEOPLE WITH THEIR USUAL RUSH. AT THE SAME TIME, WE SEE GEORGE AMONG THEM, WALKING QUIETLY, OBSERVING EVERYTHING. HE'S LIKE A GRAIN OF SAND IN A VAST OCEAN, BUT HE FLOATS, IGNORING THE CHAOS SURROUNDING HIM.  
  
CUT TO:   
  
  
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT. DAY  
  
JERRY IS HAVING BREAKFAST, STILL ON THIS PAJAMAS. KRAMER ENTERS. HE WALKS VERY SLOWLY. EVERY STEP HE GIVES SEEMS TO BE THE MAXIMUM AGONY.  
  
KRAMER  
Hey.  
  
JERRY  
What happened?  
  
KRAMER LIES DOWN ON THE COUCH AND TAKES HIS SNICKERS AND SOCKS OFF. HIS FEET HAVE TINY PIECES OF GLASS STUCK.  
  
KRAMER  
Someone broke my lamp. I was sleeping and when I woke up and put my feet on the floor... ouch!  
  
JERRY  
Isn't it possible that it was you who throw the lamp to the floor?  
  
KRAMER  
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm somebody, am I not?  
  
JERRY  
You sure are.   
  
KRAMER  
I'm going to the hospital this afternoon. You could call an ambulance for me.  
  
JERRY  
Alright.  
  
KRAMER  
Hey, how's George? Did he follow my advice?   
  
JERRY  
Well, I don't know what you've told him, but he sure is different now.  
  
KRAMER   
Oh well. I guess my theory works after all.  
  
JERRY  
You have a theory too? What is it?  
  
KRAMER  
It's scientific.  
  
JERRY   
I should know that. And George was your guinea pig?  
  
KRAMER  
And quite a good one, in fact.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT. DAY  
  
THE LANDLORD IS SHOWING THE PLACE TO GEORGE.  
  
IT'S A TINY ATTIC. THERE IS A WINDOW ON THE TOP OF THE ROOF.  
  
GEORGE  
How much do you charge for this?  
  
LANDLORD  
Eight hundred.  
  
GEORGE  
Isn't that a little too expensive? I mean, I was told that this was a one bed-room apartment, but I was hoping to put here something more than just the bed.  
  
LANDLORD  
That's why it's so cheap.  
  
GEORGE  
What about the view?  
  
LANDLORD  
What about it?   
  
GEORGE  
I was expecting for a standard window. On the wall.  
  
LANDLORD  
I'll tell you what, you can stay here for the night. That will give you a better idea.   
  
GEORGE  
Okay.  
  
LANDLORD  
I'll leave you in peace.  
  
GEORGE  
Thank you.  
  
THE LANDLORD LEAVES.   
  
GEORGE LOOKS TO THE ROOF WINDOW AND SIGHS.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT. NIGHT  
  
GEORGE IS LYING ON HIS BED, TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP. THE ROOM IS ILLUMINATED BY MOONLIGHT.   
  
THE WALLS ARE SO THIN THAT HE CAN HEAR THE SNORING COMING FROM THE OTHER APARTMENTS, ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER NOISES. KIDS CRYING, DOGS BARKING, MEN SHOUTING.   
  
GEORGE COVERS HIS HEAD WITH HIS PILLOW, BUT THE NOISE PERSISTS.  
  
GEORGE   
(SCREAMS) SHUT UP!!!  
  
CUT TO:   
  
  
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT. DAY  
  
JERRY AND ELAINE ARE WATCHING TV.   
  
ELAINE  
You heard anything about Kramer?  
  
JERRY  
Yeah. He called me. He's coming back from the hospital today.  
  
ELAINE  
I just hope he's more careful next time.  
  
JERRY  
Don't forget you're talking about Kramer.   
  
ELAINE  
And?  
  
JERRY  
And he's like one of those donkeys that you put a carrot in front of his nose and he follows it everywhere.  
  
ELAINE  
Right.  
  
JERRY  
What about your landlord friend? Did he tell you anything about George?  
  
ELAINE  
No.  
  
THE BUZZER SOUNDS.  
  
JERRY GETS UP AND ANSWERS IT.  
  
JERRY  
Yeah?  
  
GEORGE  
(GRUNTS) It's George.  
  
JERRY  
Come on up. (TO ELAINE) It's George.  
  
ELAINE  
George? What's he doing here?  
  
JERRY  
I don't know. Maybe he didn't like the apartment.  
  
GEORGE ENTERS THE APARTMENT. HIS HAIR IS ALL MESSED UP AND HIS EYES CARRY THE WEIGHT OF A LONG SLEEPLESS NIGHT.  
  
GEORGE  
Hello.  
  
JERRY  
What happened?  
  
ELAINE  
You didn't like the apartment?  
  
GEORGE  
Let's see... It was like you described it. A one bed-room, with a great view. Oh! I mustn't forget this, it had wooden walls. I just love wooden walls.  
  
JERRY  
So what's wrong with it?  
  
GEORGE  
Well, for start, the place is so small it doesn't have room for anymore furniture besides the bed, the window is on the roof and the walls are so thin you can hear people's snoring from the entire building.  
  
ELAINE  
So, what did you do?  
  
GEORGE  
I turned it down. What was I supposed to do?  
  
ELAINE  
You turned it down? How could you turned it down?  
  
JERRY  
So much for your fee.  
  
GEORGE   
What fee?   
  
ELAINE GRINS.  
  
CUT TO:   
  
  
INT. MONK'S. DAY  
  
JERRY, GEORGE AND ELAINE ARE HAVING LUNCH.  
  
JERRY  
So, what're you gonna do now?  
  
GEORGE  
Well, I decided to return to my origins.  
  
JERRY  
I guess your theory didn't work after all.  
  
GEORGE  
I'm developing a new one.  
  
KRAMER SHOWS UP AND JOINS THEM. HE'S WEARING A PAIR OF CRUTCHES.  
  
KRAMER  
Hey you guys.  
  
JERRY  
Hey! You're back! How's your feet?  
  
KRAMER  
Well, the doctor told me that I have to use this for the rest of the week and then that's it.   
  
ELAINE  
Then what?  
  
KRAMER  
I'm thinking of joining the Hindus.   
  
JERRY   
What for?  
  
KRAMER  
They have a way of walking on broken glass and hot lava without hurting the feet.  
  
ELAINE  
I don't think that's the Hindus.  
  
GEORGE  
Why do you want to learn that?  
  
KRAMER  
In case this happens again. Accidents like this are very fond of happening.  
  
JERRY  
Specially when you're involved.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
  
INT. COMEDY CLUB. NIGHT  
  
JERRY IS ON STAGE.  
  
JERRY  
Of all the things humans do, I think moving to another apartment has one of the highest rates of stupidity. Here you have this guy, he's ready to make some significant changes in his life, he's about to get married, maybe even starting a new company. What does he do? He moves to an apartment on the other side of the street. What kind of renewal is he trying to make in his life? What's gonna happen next? He buys a car, he moves to the upper floor. Then he has a son and he moves a few blocks away.   
I would say that if you're moving to a new apartment then don't just move to a new apartment, move to a different town, a different state, a different country. Then you'll see what moving really is.  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
